Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
