I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
