yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Who died my cat blue again?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
