Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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