I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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