Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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