In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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