it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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