i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
