the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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