You work out of a Hotel?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
