dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
