Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
