Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
