i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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