Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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