smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
