my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
