As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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