Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
