If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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