the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize