Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
