I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
