actually, I'm a sock model
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
