At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You smell like stripper and shame
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
