JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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