It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Randomize
