is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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