This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
