So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
