what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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