i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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