we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
not ubering you a puppy
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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