So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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