i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
