She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
