i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize