the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
do herpes really smell.
I just gift wrapped bread.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
