I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
