6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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