i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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