when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
