do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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