does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
