I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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