everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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