U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
pop tarts are not kleenex
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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