Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
