No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
