3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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