I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
