I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
