Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
