Christians are straight up FREAKS
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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