girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
