The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
