Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
