so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
