ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
