never play flip cup with pint glasses
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Randomize
