Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
