I heard we made out
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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