he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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