i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize