I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We talked him into tasing himself.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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