So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
