onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
