I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
