I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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