when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
