That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
