This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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