im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
